Month 24 | Adoption Paperwork & FSH, IUI, Femara, Trigger
We have been talking a lot about faith and trying to decide. Out of two great choices, with impossible risks to face on either end, which direction should we go. This experience of infertility is a true test of my faith. I want to be a mom more than anything in the world. And in the beginning, I kept wondering WHY? Why ME!? I want kids more than anyone, then someone after a one night stand, can just be pregnant, but for me... all the stars in the sky have to align.
I was never angry with God, but I made the mistake of questioning His timing. As time went on, I was still sad, but I grew less bitter. I was able to be excited for pregnancies around me and be hopeful that my day would come one way or another. It was a test of my faith, because the desires of my heart was SO good, I prayed for it every day, wished on every birthday candle, hibernated every mother's day and just carried this silent trial with me through every day.
Pj and I have had a great life together with tons of blessings. We made the best of our challenging time, but it was not off my mind for one single day... that I really wanted to be a mother.
Sometimes when the answer isn't clear, you have to take two steps forward in both directions and that's what we did.
With adoption we started our papers, looked into agencies, and finished a home study. We were later accepting by an Agency and were ready to find our match.
I was foot zoning, going to a chiropractor and receiveing acupuncture. I was taking Vitamins, eating guacamole and researching meditation and so much more. I was full force into the health of my body, ready to take on a month of crazy drugs and more procedures. We did it, we started with Femara. The normal dose, it wasn't bad. Then we started FSH injectables. Luckily our good friend did those shots for me because they went into my body as thick as molasses and I wouldn't have been able to do it myself. I cried giving Duke a shot once... and Pj wouldn't even attempt me... or Duke.
I did three of those shots and then I did one more HCG trigger in my stomach.
Then a few days later I went in for an ultrasound, my follicles looked good so they sent my info to my Fertility specialist, Dr. Swelstad and he had me come in a few days later for my IUI.
The IUI procedure was amazing. PJ did his thing, then he usually stands by me while I cry out in massive pain as they shove "the big tube" in my stubborn cervix. Well, this lady was patient. She used the smaller catheter and was so gentle. I think the perfect timing of the IUI (not meaning it was exactly on my body's clock, but it was set up with such ease) and the painlessness went a LONG way. I guarantee my body didn't help with the other 3 IUI's cuz why wouldn't it try to fight off and reject the pain and stress it was under. This IUI was flawless, I was so impressed with Dr. Swelstad's office and their staff.
We waited relaxed over winter break and Christmas.
Then the day we arrive home, I took a test! And it was too early, but I did it anyway and I saw the faintest little line. I FREAKED OUT! PJ said, don't get your hopes up. I couldn't NOT. This was the first time out of 100's of tests that I saw even the slightest color. So I woke up at 5 AM the next morning and took two more! I was PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREAKING PREGNANT!
I didn't cry. I wanted to. But instead, I started dancing around the room. PJ was like did you have to do this in the middle of the night??? Why yes, yes I did! We were so happy we couldn't sleep. It was truly one of the best moments of my life.
