Month 17 | IUI #2 + Possible Endometriosis
5/2015
This month has been hard.
I am in the middle of a cycle.
I went in for my second IUI after a rough week.
I got a follicle check on monday. My follicles were too small.
So we set the injection for the next day.
And the IUI for two days after that.
I set up subs and everything with work.
But every time people ask why I have all these appointments, I smudge the truth a little. That's hard on me. It is emotionally exhausting to keep up all this reasoning and over-explaining. when all I want to do is scream that I can't get pregnant and that's why I have to visit the doctor so much.
(I am going for migraines and this, so I really am seeing the dr. a lot)
I don't want people to know about my infertility because once they know, if they say the wrong thing I'm much more sensitive to hearing it. I am at a very weak point in all of this, and I can't have people saying the wrong thing. I just need to keep it private, and that way life stays a lot more gentle. I can't tell my family yet. Because when I do it'll become too real. Is this really happening to me???
After I set up all the subs and had PJ take the day off they called me.
It was after work on Tuesday.
I had already paid over $100 for the injection and $50 for the follicle check.
$150 dollars in and they wanted to change the date on me.
Apparently something came up for the lady who washes the sperm.
TRAIN MORE PEOPLE LADY.
I lost it. I was irrational and so depressed in that moment.
I felt trapped like it was too late to back out of the IUI, but the timing wasn't ideal so why continue with it anyway. AND my PA was out of town so it was going to be with a woman I have heard nothing good about.
I cried and cried and cried. I haven't cried that much in a long time.
It seems to be the theme in all of this, but there are plenty of happy days in between.
I just couldn't believe that they did all of that to get me ready for the IUI and then weren't going to do it when they should've. We rescheduled for the day after, so two days after the shot on Thursday we did it.
I was so depressed that night. I have been depressed before, so I knew the feeling all too well. My heart felt physically heavy. It hurt to think or to breathe. I told PJ how depressed I felt, and how I couldn't think of anything else. Nothing felt happy or hopeful to me. So I just snuggled with my little family-- of PJ and Duke, and cried. Depression is awful because no matter how much faith you have, you feel hopeless. Depression and anxiety that stems from it are the worst feelings. I am familiar with anxiety and I hate it. I do everything in my power to control it. But that Tuesday night I felt powerless to it all. I felt weak, vulnerable and so empty.
I woke up feeling much better. On my way to work I saw the bag to my prescription on the seat of the car. I read the side effects. The side effects were depression. I knew that since it hit me so hard and fast that night that it was not normal. Now I will know for the future what major effects that injection can have on me.
To my surprise, the other PA (who I didn't know and wasn't excited about doing it) wasn't able to do it when we were at the Women's Center on Thursday, so a DOCTOR walked in the room after we had been waiting for a while. I didn't know he was a doctor until I'm in the straddler, half naked with a tube inside me... in a lot of pain. He said, "have you been seeing a doctor as well while going through all of this" and I said, "no" then while wincing in pain said, "Are you a doctor?" It was funny because of the timing and the tone of my voice. Everyone chuckled then he told me he was. I was relieved and very eager and curious to hear what more he would say. He asked me many questions.
This IUI went lots better. It probably helped that I took 4 IB Profin before, but I was super anxious for that pain. It hurt. It hurt like a mother. But I did not cry. So I felt pretty awesome about that.
The person I have been seeing is a PA at the Women's Center. The ones I have been seeing have been doing everything right up to this point, he said. But he explained to me that with the things he's seeing in my situation, the thinks that there might be something else going on. He says its good that we have tried Clomid and IUI because in most cases that does the trick. After three IUIs, 50% of women are pregnant. However, if I am not pregnant this month or next, they're going to do surgery.
"Laparoscopy is a surgery that uses a thin, lighted tube put through a cut (incision) in the belly to look at the abdominal organs or the female pelvic organs . Laparoscopy is used to find problems such as cysts, adhesions, fibroids , and infection. Tissue samples can be taken for biopsy through the tube (laparoscope)."
In this surgery they would also inject die to make sure my tubes are all clear and expand my uterus. He asked me a bunch of questions and thinks is a good possibility that I have endometriosis.
"Endometriosis (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant). Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, bowel or the tissue lining your pelvis. Rarely, endometrial tissue may spread beyond your pelvic region.
In endometriosis, displaced endometrial tissue continues to act as it normally would — it thickens, breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle. Because this displaced tissue has no way to exit your body, it becomes trapped. When endometriosis involves the ovaries, cysts called endometriomas may form. Surrounding tissue can become irritated, eventually developing scar tissue and adhesions — abnormal tissue that binds organs together.
Endometriosis can cause pain — sometimes severe — especially during your period. Fertility problems also may develop:"
Even though I may have a more serious cause of my infertility, I left the office feeling hopeful. I feel hopeful knowing they're going to do everything they can to figure out the cause of my infertility before taking more guesses.
I hope that I can get pregnant before the surgery, but if it comes to the point of surgery I am confident they will find the cause and hopefully the cure.
