Month 16 | IUI

4/2015

This month was my first IUI.

I did follicle check and had mature follicles on day 14, but not positive opk.

My PA is very considerate of how much everything costs, so he was hesitant to suggest my options,

so when I asked what the IDEAL treatment would be if money wasn't the issue,

he said a shot today, IUI tomorrow.

So they gave me an injection that same day. ($100 just for the shot)

The next day I went in for my first IUI.

For IUI, PJ brings his sperm in a cup.

The sperm is then washed by this MA from Bridgerland. There are apparently only two people in the valley who can wash sperm. She's not willing to train anyone because "job security." I hope in the future she trains more. She explained things very carefully to us. Apparently washing the sperm is like taking them out of milk and putting them in water. It allows them to move more freely.

Anyway, after she washed the sperm. They put a catheter in my vagina and inject the sperm into my uterus. My cervix didn't line up, and so there's some zig and some zag with the tube that is VERY painful. After a few failed attempts to get it through my cervix, they pulled out a bigger tube and said, this is going to hurt...

Well at that point I was crying with my whole body clenched tight, crying out loud in pain. PJ grabbed my hand and was trying to comfort me, but that pain was terrible. I have a VERY tight cervix. Which he said could be part of the problem. The pain continued the rest of the day, along with some light bleeding, but I felt like a new woman and hoped this would be a happy growing inside of me.

The weeks were long in between.

When I started my period I was numb.

It was PJ's birthday.

I tried not to think about it.

I didn't even cry...

I wanted to be happy on that day, and I was.

I was brave and I put on my smile.

A few days later, I burst with emotion.

Pj just held me in our bed as I cried.

I feel broken inside.

And part of me is always worrying about the what-ifs.

Seeing adoption stories gives me hope.